I WANT HIM TO HURT

I want him to hurt. Just 1/10th of the hurt he's caused me.

I want him to feel loss. I want him to feel guilt, and shame.

I want him to miss me. I want him to show up on my doorstep so I can drop kick him.

Why do I hurt? How did I let this happen? So much was wrong, always.
1. He didnt like to eat pussy.
2. He didnt believe in foreplay.
3. "No" never meant no to him.
4. He never showed affection towards me, like holding hands, or cuddling.
5. The few times he ever did plan something in advance with me, he would either cancel or just not show up.
6. He is an alcoholic.
7. He is selfish.
8. I think he is still unemployed.
9. He always tried to get me to buy his booze and cigarettes (and I finally started refusing).
10. He hardly ever bought me drinks.
11. He never, ever took me out to dinner
12. He never met my family, and I never met his (not MY choice)
13. He lied - habitually
14. He stole from me (but never admitted it- I know it was him)
15. He never made me feel special in any way. I was just "convenient"
16. He never bought me flowers.
17. He disrespected me when I did have the nerve to go on a date with someone else, and said horrible things to me.
18. In 2 years we never just "hung out" and ate a pizza or watched a movie together.
19. He was never "there" when I needed someone to lean on.

I'm sure I'll be adding to the list.

my heart is fucking broken

I knew it. mY heart is broken. someone decided that they have a girlfriend..thanks for fucking telling me jackass...guess that explains why you havent called me in 3 weeks...fucking asswipe..that's all right, I hope you get your heart ripped out AGAIN...and a doseof what you've given me for hte past 2 fucking years. asshole. i hate you. i hope you rot in hell. i'm too good for you anyway..way too good. i hope you get shit on like you did a long time ago. you deserve it. you have no idea how to treat a lady. and until you st art eating pussy, no one is going ot keep your lame ass around. FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU.

Yeah i'm drunk, but at least i know now..i'm glad i went out...now i see. thanks for the fucking couresy you mother fucking prick....KRMA KARMA KARMA..

FUICK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU.

1147 AM EDIT - after booze wears off. Still pissed as hell, and hurt unbelievably. Alas, clean permanent breaks are always best. So I changed my cell number. Would love to see the look on his face next time he tries to use it! Just wish I could change how my heart feels as easily as it is to change a number :(

AC DC Flipping rules

Hi all,

YES, I went to the SOLD OUT AC DC Concert last night. I was actually excited - I'm not much of a live concert girl, because it always seems to be a disappointment in the end for whatever reason. I'm trying to think of the actual concerts I've gone to, and its not many! I've seen Def Leppard 3X, Poison 2X, Cinderalla once (they were GREAT), RATT, Motley Crue and Journey (can you tell I'm a product of the 80's?)

AC DC....is simply...in a class all their own. I heard they put on a good show..and by golly, everyone that said that is beyond correct. BEYOND! AND THEN SOME! It's hard to put into words the most amazing live music experience I've ever been to - Lets face it, AC DC are legends. They have been putting out non-stop, 1st rate tunes for decades...(and their latest CD "Black Ice" is NO exception). I heard their show was really loud, so I took ear plugs for everyone just in case...NOT Needed. They could have been louder and I would not have complained because I love them that much and to hear them at such a volume was dreamy, and intense.

I wondered how they would put on a show, because all of their music is good...not like most other bands, that have some hits and some obsure tunes that you're forced to listen to and new stuff that's really not so stellar. AC DC = every song is a showcase of their incredible talents and ability to seriously "rock it out."

I had goosebumps when they started the show with a lead in to their new single, "RUN AWAY TRAIN", by showing a cartoon on the big screens. When the music actually started, my heart was pounding and the goosebumps were jumping off my skin! I could not wait. I did not want to be anywhere else in the world, doing anything else, at that one moment in time. The next few hours did not change that feeling one single bit.

I did not want the music to end. I could have stayed for hours more and let them crank it out for their fans. I was in awe, and can't wait to see them again!

Now I just need a membership to their fan club at $40....those peeps get the pick of the best seats in the house! (gee, wish I would have known that 2 months ago!)...sigh

NEW WEBSITE PREVIEW! CHECK IT!

Hi everyone, I finally got my index page for coderedhead.net finished! I uploaded it so you can sneak a peek at how the rest of the site will look, once completed (dream completion date: Thanksgiving weekend), and maybe it will help you ease into the transition (cause trust me, it looks nothing like any site design I've ever had).

I wanted something "cleaner", easier to navigate, with NO tables...I never could figure those damned things out - believe it or not, my html knowledge is pretty scarce :( Also wanted to integrate at least one of my favorite colors = PURPLE.. YAY! I'm totally digging it, and I hope you will too.

PS - I know the LINK button isn't working..I cant figure that one out..LOL..but it's the least important, so its been bumped down on the priority list. Ha!

Feel free to drop me a line and tell me what you think!

NOVEMBER/DECEMBER CODEREDHEAD.NET SPECIAL

Hello sexy boys and girls.

've just added about 10 new panties to Coderedhead.net, so I figured I just have to offer you some sort of incentive to want to get your hands on them!

For the rest of November and all of December, EVERY ITEM WILL COME WITH ONE FREE PHOTO. If you have a preference for your photo (pose, ass shot, etc.) please let me know, and I'll do the best to accommodate. This has a value of $5!

Thank you to all of you for making a purchase with me, and HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO EVERYONE!

xoxo Molly aka RED.

AAAH...BASTARDS!

Alright..anyone that creates a computer virus, trojan etc needs to be at the bottom of the ocean, with the damned lawyers (well most of them - cause I know one really cool lawyer). Seriously, what kind of person gets off on fucking with other people like this. Stupid ass mother fuckers need to get a real job and a real life - or are you so lame that such a thing isnt possible, so this is how you spend your free time?

Yeah, can you tell I've had some PC problems? Virtumonde is a NASTY, NASTY bug. You cannot get rid of it. I dont care what help you think is out there, NOTHING worked. Even a special scan to find ONLY that virus turned up nothing, yet the damned thing was working some serious magic on me. Yes, I have virus protection..and spyware protection..they all caught it, but could not stop it from replicating (apparently its something that, if you dont delete all of it, it replaces what you did manage to erase)...@#$@#$!!!!! WTF, seriously.

By Sat. night, I couldnt even keep my PC on to try anything else. Bitch kept shutting down. Fuck it. And try finding a PC repair company open on Sundays...christ, this is 2008. Not everyone goes to church...I looked in my 2005 phonebook (who uses a real phonebook anymore - not me, but obviously I should get an udpated one). Find a place open on Sunday. Unhook everything, drive out there...empty storefront..WTF! The phone number worked earlier, and gave me the hours of busineess. I called again. Local number. I'm routed to some place over 100 miles away (oh yeah, we closed that location)...well THANKS JACKASSES! Maybe you should have put that on your recording !!!! OMG..I was beside myself. Go back home, decide to take the leap into a system restore. I've never done one. I have no option. I have orders to fill, auctions to put up so I have cash for christmas gifts...so into the unknown I go.

Of course, I have so many darned things going on with different passwords I had a great time trying to figure it all out. Couldn't remember how to configure my Outlook (I have 3 email addresses coming into one box)....I just wanted to pull my hair out!

To make it worse, a week ago I started having pain in my neck and shoulder again..thought I slept wrong..dont know what's going on now, cause it still hurts. Been taking aspirin like candy, using the heating pad, muscle relaxers...even had one of my BFF's give me a massage (which actually HURT) :( I Dont know, maybe I've pinched something - whatever it is, I just want it to go away. And I'm sniffling again..I just had a bug a few weeks ago. Everyone at work is sneezing and hacking so one of those degenerates probably gave it to me. Its like working in a damned airplane 40 hours a week!

Anyhoo...PC is back on line..not sure if I've cured the problem. I've decided to use open-source software whenever possible, including OPENOFFICE3 (awesome alternative to the MS Office suite), and Filezilla (an FTP program). Will probably download GIMP, which I read is a lot like Photoshop.

ON top of the PC problems, the past 2 weeks have been emotionally trying. Dad died on July 20th. Last weekend was a mass for him at church...yesterday was a Hospice service for everyone that passed within the year. Talk about having an unhealed would ripped back open. I can't even hear my dad's name without crying..and when they put a picture of him up on the screen, I gushed. My mom, sis and I were a fountain of salty tears. When will the pain ease? I'm scared because the Holidays are coming - I dont know how we will get through them :(

Well, guess that's it for now...I'm off tomorrow (go Veterans, and THANK YOU!), maybe I'll finally get to start cleaning out my denim tha'ts been accumulating in the top of my closet for 7 years...I have no idea what's hiding up there..EEK! (but I bet most of it I can't fit my fat ass into anymore, LOL).

Almost a 3-way, and I don't mean SKYLINE CHILI

* BLINK* *BLINK*

Yes, I had quite the Sat. night..from the chic that wanted to kiss me, to THE PLUMBER's friend wanting a 3-way. Who knew the time change could bring about such scandal!

I woke up yesterday thinking "wow, did that shit really happen". And I woke up today and thought the same damned thing. It was like out of nowhere I became some hot goddess that everyone wanted a piece of...Alrighty then! Here we go with the scoop, hold on for the ride!

Yes, Alas...I have seen the PLUMBER the past 2 weekends. We havent had sex or anything, but we have hungout. Anyhoo - this past Saturday, I was once again called upon to join him and his buddy at the bonfire. So out I went. Yes, it was just the 3 of us (started out with 4, one got extremely drunk and stupid and was banished to the barn or wherever his stupid ass passed out). We decided to hit the hilljack bar up the road, just like last weekend. Fine and dandy. Place was kinda busy, and there was this blonde chic there. I decided right away I didnt like her - that she was loud and attention starved and obnoxious. She was with a guy, but pretty much ignored him to talk to every other guy in the joint, including mine. She looked very "city" and didnt really fit in at the place. Whatever...next thing I know, she is 3 inches from my face..she says "YOU'RE REALLY PRETTY, CAN I KISS YOU?" !!!!!!!!!

Let me do that again !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That has NEVER, EVER happened to me in my life! I was at a loss for words. While I stared at her like a deer in headlights, she says to the plumber "can I kiss your girlfriend". Of course he smarted back "she can do whatever she wants"...and she is right back at me "come on, gimme a kiss!" After asking like 2 more times, I told her no and off she went. Man that was so weird. She wasn't ugly, but like I said, I already didnt like her and I'd be darned if my 1st kiss with a chic was gonna be with someone that got on my damned nerves.

Of course, the drinks are flowing...we're all getting boozed up (but I'm pretty sober since I'm driving).

Back to the bonfire. After falling off a bench and being dumped into the woodpile, then tripping over the other bench and falling on my hip, things got really really weird. Plumbers friend (who mind you has only been with ONE girl and is engaged to her)...spouts off "HEY, WANNA PULL A TRAIN?" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Again...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My god, once again..when did I become some highly desirable sex goddess? Christ! I was once again, shocked. I spouted off "dude, no"...I'm standing by the fire, and before I knew it, the plumber AND his friend both hand their hands down the back of my pants! Holy @#$#@$ dudes! What is going on here!!! Before the hands got too close to the goods, I pulled away..but here's the twisted thing..I was digging the attention. I like the friend..he's cute. Although, I know what alcohol does to one and their judgement (or lack thereof). I sat down...plumber was on one side, friend on the other...next thing I know I'm pretty much squished in between them..things getting cozy again. Plumber gets up, pulls friend aside and says "man, it aint gonna happen...you wont be able to live with the guilt tomorrow"...PHEW! Thanks for stepping in there pal!! So I think things will be cool then.

Friend goes in the camper. Soon after, plumber goes inside and I follow. Friend is laying in bed..plumber goes in there too..I jokingly said "are you guys gonna make out now"..LOL..I sit on the end of the bed..friend sits up and puts his hands up my shirt, totally groping me. My god I was so turned on at the thought of what could happen at that moment. Ya know, I like my guys thin..and this guy is about 30+ lbs more than what I wanna do the deed with, even though he's cute and I'm attracted to him. This big giant part of me wanted to just throw myself right smack in the middle of the two of them and say "have at it boys"...yet once again, plumber says "dude I told you...we're not doing this"...Oh, I forgot to add..on the way in the trailer, plumber says to me "one rule I have is that nobody but me sees my lady naked" (Ok, I'm not your lady but thats a nice thought). I crawled on top of the plumber, gave him a kiss...friend starts to move closer again...time to get outta dodge. Seriously.

I decided to call it a night..it was like 5am. I was so flustered. MY PANTIES WERE FUCKING SOAKED, and my pussy was throbbing. It was all I could do to get out of my clothes and finger myself until I came...such sweet dreams I had at 630 in the morning!

So there ya go, a totally surreal night.....