NEAR MISS and CROP DUSTING - Funny but graphic!

Being a girl sucks sometimes. Here's today's story from yours truly!

TODAY I ALMOST CRAPPED MY PANTS.

OMG...How awful. I dunno about you, but the 1st day of my period is kind of anightmare..in addition to cramps and farting, I get to take a nice big 'period dump' as I call it.

Of course...as I sit here at my desk..the farts increase in frequency...then I start getting sh*t cramps. I decide that I should go to another part of the building to take care of business. So I start to walk down the hall..and holy crap, the cramps get so bad I had to"pull over" because I could hardly stand up. While standing there, I "dusted" the area. I get to the bathrooms (there are 2 right there)...WHAT THE @#$@#$? They are BOTH CLOSED! That has NEVER happened! One is temporarily closed, the other one is being stocked by a dude! Horrified, I stood there for a moment, squeezing...I couldnt wait...I almost ran back to the bathroom in my area..I barely made it..so I let loose, while simultaneously flushing to disguise what was happening...PHEW. RELIEF!. The best part, as I was walking out, a gal passed me and went into the stall I had just came out of (she didn't see me walk out of it)..and I hear her say"oh my goodness" as she entered...HA!

How funny is that!

As the VANPOOL TURNS - the Alternate Driver

Aaah....so today, we have an alternate driver. This guy has only ridden the vanpool 2x since it started. He's kinda suspect, I think he looks like a homeless dude. Anyhoo - as soon as he takes the driver's seat, I could tell that he probably had not driven a van this size before. Ugh. No snooze on the way to work today! This guy needs another set of eyes and ears!

He cranks the heat up. We get to the next stop and load up, and one of the gals asks him to turn it down/off. We thought he did, but apparently he didn't. We were all nearly crispy critters by the time we got to work it was so hot in there! We get out and this one lady says to me "I think I have burn marks on my legs"...HA! Oh, and he pulled a "mom" on xxx Rd., - meaning, he wasn't paying attention to what was in front of him! He was looking at something off to the side (insert mom-o-gram of "oh, look at the pretty flowers over there" LOL)...and an SUV was making a turn in front of us - I'm convinced he would have run into it if I hadnt yelped "yikes!". Good lord - and he's driving again tomorrow. BOO HISS.

As for creepy unibrow guy - ya know, the only gal that will talk to him is Mary, the nice girl that shares the back row with him..well, I told you he was rude - and I swear, nothing that ever comes out of his mouth is ever remotely interesting - its just clutter. Well he said something to her, and she must have rolled her eyes...He says "you roll your eyes at me a lot!" OMG dude..ya think? :) Totally funny.

ONE MONTH ANNIVERSARY

I cant believe it, tomorrow is the one month anniversary of dad's death. In some ways it seems like it happened years ago, and yet at times it seems like it was yesterday.

Mom, sis and I are going to meet for drinks after work to celebrate his memory (man dad loved his booze, especially beer!) .

So dad, we're throwin' a few back in your honor, we miss you like crazy and love you lots.

As the VANPOOL TURNS - a new series

First, a little background!

I drive 60 miles round trip every day, in a V8 Mustang. I am putting about $60-$80 in gas EVERY WEEK in it - and more recently, because my dad was very ill, I had to add another 20 miles to my drive several days a week. Add that up and in a months time we're talking over $250 JUST IN GAS. Imagine what you could do with that amount of money!! I started looking on line for carpools in my area. You won't believe how many good sites there are for others who are not only trying to save money, but the environment too in the process.We have an org here in Ohio, MORPCC (Mid Ohio Regional Planning Commission). They are non-profit and it's there job to hook up people in the same geographic location for vanpools, carpools, etc. WELL...I work in a very large facility..and in about a month's time they found enough people to start a vanpool (12-15). HOW MUCH IS IT GOING TO COST ME A MONTH TO RIDE IT? ARE YOU READY? $9 YES!! $9!!! My employer subsidizes the rest. $9 out of pocket to commute for each month. The fee covers the gas, maintenance on the van (supplied by MORPCC). How unreal is this!!!! WOOT!

Now for the amusing stuff..I knew from the meetings prior to the pool starting, this was going to be an interesting ride - and most likely, not in a good way. I was right. My guess is I am going to destroy my ipod in no time strictly from overuse. Ugh. At least they don't cost so much anymore! Let me also say, this ride isnt a "direct flight" - we have a stop in another city before we continue to our final destination. Boy I wish we could ditch that stop, because that's where CRAZY BOARDS!

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The ride from L to C is GREAT! Nice quiet people...punctual people. It's the load that we inherit in Cthat's a challenge. Ugh. Yesterday, this big black chic barely made it on time...we are on a strict schedule, and told that if someone isnt there at the designated time, too bad - we leave. I think she got there with 1 minute to spare yesterday. Well today..we're there - The hussy shows up at 6 37 am, 2 minutes past the departure time. The only reason we were still there was because someone was having trouble getting their seatbelt situated. I hope we leave her *ss next time - and if we don't leave on time, I'm gonna say something as it was made very clear in our meetings. Get your big butt there 2 minutes earlier (and trust me, it needs its own seat)!

Then the next lady..had the nerve to say today, when she hobbled into the van - that she thinks the "xxx PEOPLE should sit on the right side because the seatbelt on the left doesn't fit her because she's short and large chested" - Ummm..NO (she works in a different building)..I get on the van 1st in the morning and I'm gonna sit where I darned well please..and its not my fault your short, fat and obese and have huge t*tties. Get a booster seat. Then creepy unibrow guy(C.U.G. for short) gets on and says he doesn't have his computer card (how you log onto your computer to do any sort of work)...and she says "well what are you going to do all day? I'm the person that resets those and don't call me if your card isnt at work!" OMG...insert headphones and turn on ipod. Ugh. Tomorrow I get the joy of having Mr Type A "know it all about how vanpools function" get on - he hasn't been on all week (nice blessing). When he does I will find out how loud my ipod will truly go, since he also speaks at a million decibels...

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OK - some background on CUG (creepy unibrow guy) because I dont know if I've blogged about him before, or only pissed and moaned about him to my friends in "real life." So...the scanners in our building dont work for shit. If they jam, you have to go somewhere else to use one. Lo and behold, one day I ran into CUG in the equipment room. I was first frightened by his appearance. Beady little eyes, that are crammed really close together...and a UNIBROW! OMG! A big, BLACK, PRONOUNCED UNIBROW!! I realize you can't help where God put your eyes, but DAMN! Do something about the forest on your forehead! It gets worse..he has no concept of personal space. He stood right on top of me!!! And then, stared at my boobs the entire time!!! OMG!!! THEN! Yes, THEN! He did the ole "REACH IN FRONT" to get something, so he could brush up against me!!! GET THE FUCK OFF ME WEIRDO! Then he did the same thing to my Asian friend soon after. I was so relieved when we moved desks, it put us away from him. Imagine my flipping surprise when she shows up at our 1st carpool meeting...How can this be! In a sea of THOUSANDS OF EMPLOYEES, he ends up ON MY VAN OF 15 PEOPLE!! WTF! Sometimes I think someone is out to get me! Not only is he a close stander, brusher, etc...he is RUDE! I'll save that for another episode. WHY ME! I told my sister ab out him and she's convinced he's a serial killer. She said if anything happens to me she's going looking for him :)

And that my friends concludes Episode 1.

AUGUST SPECIAL - CODEREDHEAD.NET $5 OFF

Hello everyone.

As you may have noticed, there was not a July special. My father was ill, and he passed away on July 20th.

One of the best ways to "cope" is to keep busy, so I'm back with a special for August.

EVERY ORDER PLACED THROUGH AUGUST 31ST, WILL RECEIVE $5 OFF. No restrictions - just a flat $5 you get to keep in your pocket.

Remember, if you don't see a panty you like, CONTACT ME! I've been a panty shopping FREAK lately and have way more than are listed on the site!
xoxo Red