Dad and ME vs Mother Nature

Hey all!

My gosh, what a weather pattern we're under. It has stormed every day for the past week, and today is going to be no exception. So its a race to see what I can get done outside in between storms, or before - of course, what you can do with wet grass and plants is quite limited!! What a pain! I have so much to do! I have one more side of the house to powerwash, and it doesnt look like I'll get that done today...not that its too terribly upsetting, I hate powerwashing - I look like a drowned rat by the time I'm done..messy, wet, BLECH!!!

Dad is holding his own. We've had some really good times lately. Lots of friends are coming to visit before he passes, and its great to see people. Friday night we had a herd of friends come - we used to go fishing to Canada and TN with them, it was an RV caravan as far as the eye could see. Those were the best times of my life...camping and fishing for perch and eating it fresh that night. Anyhoo, they all came down to visit and catch up and reminisce. It was constant laughter. The best time. After they left dad said that was one of the best nights of his life and he will always remember it. Mission accomplished!

On a really sad note, last night mom and I went out to dinner after church - we weren't gone that long..I had to take her home afterwards...well I hear my cell ringing when we were almost there..couldnt answer it cause it was in the backseat - we pull in the driveway, I get it out and see its DAD! We run into the house...he's freaking out - he woke up and no one was there..he thought it was 8 am, not 8 pm. He'd called my phone 4 times in 3 minutes..he was shaking...it was heartbreaking. I said "dad, like anyone would just leave you!" We think he zonked out after taking his Methodone, and lost his bearings :(

On an upnote, I got to take advantage of the VS semi annual sale. THAT = HAPPINESS. I shopped on line and got free shipping by searching for coupon codes (woo hoo) - that saved me $11!!! Well, I went to the mall yesterday to take advantage yet again..cause I had a coupon for a free cotton panty..and $10 off of a $50 purchase for filling out their customer service survey..SWEET! So I saved $15 and got some gorgeous, gorgeous panties...I heart panties! I'm so glad I get to buy them on a regular basis - THANKS GUYS! I also hit Bath n Body works - their sale is unreal. I got 2 bubble baths and 2 lotions and a purse sized spray for $11!!!! All of it was 75% OFF!!! I think I'll go back for more. That's just too good to pass up and I always need good bubble bath and lotion (both of which are hard to find).

So the dating thing isn't going so well....all my fault. Lots of hits from hotties on AFF, but I am, in all honesty, too distracted to meet anyone. Things are just too uncertain right now and my interest in sex has dwindled tremendously as a result ( dont get me wrong, I still masturbate darned near every night and always when I'm prepping panties). So lets rephrase...My interest in sex with anyone other than myself has dwindled, LOL. I've also managed to play host to a nasty sinus - type bug for over a week now, and its kicking my ass...darned effin' germs! Yesterday was rough..slept til 10- which is unusual now, then went back to bed at 12 noon til almost 3. Then I was zonked out by 10 pm last night!!!!

Goals for today: Weed wack around the side of the house. Plant my ornamental grasses and more sunflowers. Mow the front yard. Finish hanging the curtains. Cut up the watermelon on the counter. Scrub the bathroom. Sweep the kitchen floor. Make a video for someone. Eek..that's quite the list. Ugh.

Hope all is well with everyone!!

Just randsom stuff...and DAD

I'm typing in gray today, because it reflects my mood of late. I've been sad, and pissy and grouchy - the stresses of every day life these days are really taking a toll on me, physically and emotionally. My dad's terminal illness, work, trying to majorly overhaul the exterior of the house (paint - 100% done by me from start to finish), money, gas prices (I drive 60 miles each day) - its no wonder I'm pretty much a wreck.

Dad is "holding his own." The vicadin isnt working, so now he's on methadone for pain. He has pancreatic cancer. They just started him on the methadone a few days ago, but have already had to increase the dosage. He is jaundiced..he looks like a zombie - like one of those people that have been bitten and are starting to "turn"..I know that's a weird analogy, but when you grow up watching horror flicks like that, it doesnt seem so weird. His personality hasnt changed.he's still funny and sassy, but I know the end is very near...and I do now know how to deal with this. I am emotionally unprepared and don't think there is anything I can do to "get" prepared.

Why do people have to die? I mean, why can't we all stay young forever..and be a happy family forever. Go fishing, watch NASCAR together from the infield of Daytona...collect shells on the beaches of Florida together...why do people have to get sick and suffer? It isnt fair.

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ASSHOLE ALERT: "The Plumber"....as referenced in previous posts..gosh, what does one say. An eternal asshole, self centered. I had a moment of weakness last weekend and we hooked up. Guess I needed a nice big one and a hot sweaty guy on top of me. Oh well, such is life. Well...this past Friday night...3 am..he's ringing my doorbell...tapping on my window...of course, I was asleep. I ignored him. Not in the mood to be awakened, especially for a booty call...yesterday, I noticed he STOLE MY BROKEN CEMENT GOOSE off the front porch. I am pissed! That goose was my grandmas - the grandma that died last year...it is the only thing I wanted after she died, because she loved that darned thing..loved dressing it up - I'd buy her clothes for it...Yeah, its broken..but only because I havent figured out what adhesive I need to put it back together. I want my @#$# goose back. I sent him a text message telling him to bring it back and why, and it has yet to appear...SO NOT FUNNY (ok, the premise is kinda funny, but the fact it was grandmas makes it NOT!).

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So, I've been working on the house here and there every weekend...getting it ready to paint. I've powerwashed half of it..what a @Q#$ chore. I've picked the color (its called "silver charm"). I will have white trim, not sure of the accent color yet. Powerwashing is so messy. Ick. But there is great satisfaction in DIY! I did get 6 windows replaced - THANK YOU TO ALL OF MY CUSTOMERS, AND UNCLE SAM. Without you, I would not have had the cash for this! I still had to borrow $600 from my sister, but regardless..the windows are in and I'm happy :) So nice to have real Energy Star windows. The OLD windows were the original from the house, from 1963. Yeah, they were awful. I'd like to get 3 more before winter (about $750), but I dont see how that will happen). I have taken some pictures of the house as a "work in progress", but they're still on the camera. I will definitely post them in the near future.

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Guess I'll end this entry for now, I need to take some pictures for some on-line orders that are behind. I havent felt "sexy" lately, so its hard to take pictures when you feel fat, LOL. So I'm gonna take them today before I start stuffing me face! HAAAA!!!

Much love to all.

What does one do....

When they're told their father has 2-8 weeks to live?

I dunno..I am numb. I feel a need to be self destructive...like drink myself into oblivion to try and forget this isnt happening...I cant believe this is happening.

Hospice comes in on Monday.

I cant write anymore now.