BYE BYE PILL ! You're not MAKING ME FAT!

Let me apologize to the men who are about to read this post. This is a very ummm.."girlie" entry, as it deals with "the pill," it's side effects and how not to get knocked up, blah blah blah. I also know there are lots of chickadees that read my blog out there, so..suck it up, ha!

Here's how the story starts. About March of this year, I started banging a super-hot plumber. My birth control decision was to go back on the pill. I chose "Yasmin." I had used it before, and had some issues, but that was a couple of years ago so I thought I'd try it again. BIG, BIG MISTAKE. April and May were HELL for me. Absolute HELL. I have never felt so AWFUL in my entire life. First, if you suffer from MIGRAINE, this pill is not for you. Hardly a day went by during that 2 month period that I did not have a significant headache. I missed way too much work because of it. And during the week that I was "off" of the pill (your period week), the headaches were severe. In addition, my MOOD was deplorable. I didnt want to be around anybody. Everything and everyone pissed me off, ridiculously. You could just look my direction and I'd want to pound your face in. Its very hard to put into words just how frustating this was. I am admitting that yes, I do take anti-depressants. I am convinced that Yasmin completely negated the intended effects of that particular medication. The only positive about Yasmin is that I didnt gain an ounce of weight. In fact, I was looking pretty good. Oh well, that's hardly an offset for the other issues. So...

Bye bye Yasmin, time for a new pill for June. Enter Low-Ogestrel. Another "low-dose" pill. Well, talk about vast improvement...Less headaches, much improved mood. I was/am feeling like a human being again. I thought we had a winner...UNTIL...the appetite increased..like off the charts...For the past month, I have been eating everything I can get my hands on....24/7...burgers at midnight...double portions...what a fucking nightmare. That's how this pill works..if it fattens you up, no one will wanna bang you and of course, then you wont get pregnant...WAAAAAAAAAAH.

Back to the drawing board. No more artificial hormones for this 30-something vixen. So I re-investigate the method that my sister has been using successfully for the past 5 years...AND THE BEST PART? ITS ALL NATURAL. I'm gonna sound like an infomercial, but that's OK. I've seen, and I believe. I have invested (and am anxiously awaiting delivery) of my FERTILITY COMPUTER (I've renamed it my COOTER COMPUTER). Here is the website:

http://ladycomp-babycomp.com/show.php/index

Basically, this is the current version of what people have been doing for hundreds of years...determining your fertility based on your body temperature. Nothing artificial going into your body and messing with your hormones and cycle, and other shit in my case and probably yours too. Just take your temperature every day and it tells you by means of a flashing light if you can "do it" or not (of course, you can always "do it" if you use a condom). Yes, it comes with a price...$500. But-how much would you b e paying for your pills over time? Yeah, that's right..this thingie pays for itself in about 2 years and that's just the beginning of what it offers you.

How do I know it works? I'd be skeptical. But yes, my sister has used this for 5 years and she's still NOT PREGGO. That's enough for me.

Here is an article she wrote about The Lady Comp:

http://www.pussycatmagazine.com/sexkitten/Sex/ladycomp.html

I really can't wait to get my hands on this sucker, and start my life of hormone free, natural birth control. Now if I can just shed that weight I gained by eating Dairy Queen 3 days a week, I'll be happy as a bearded clam...!!!