Boy drama - I'm a lost little puppy
I'm so confused right now. I admit, I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer when it comes to matters of the heart...probably why I've been single for over 2 years now.
Well, if you've followed this blog, you know I've been off and on with a hot plumber since Feb. It was a very rough start, in fact, I didnt care if he found his way to hell pretty early on. Well, I couldn't stay away, so in March, things heated up drastically. Yes, even now I know I should have walked away - BUT, yes, BUT - he filled a need at the time..a need just for good sex. He didnt want a girlfriend, I didnt want a boyfriend. Seems all fine and good. Hmm...well I admit, I became smitten with this boy, 10 years my junior. BUT (there's that word again), there are issues...he drinks wayyyyy too much, and he smokes - I always told myself that I wouldnt date a smoker, since my grandpa just died of lung cancer and I have a father that cant even walk to the bathroom without his oxygen.
This post might start to ramble a bit, so if it does, I'm sorry..I'm having diarrhea of the fingers. I never invite him to do anything with me, because I know that if he says "no," I'll be really upset. Is that weird? I've been trying to keep my "guard" up - not let him know that I care - just keeping it on the physical level, and that's it. Leave in the morning, with no indication of when we'll meet or speak again...This is hard for me, I"ve never had a "casual" relationship. But I think I"m doing OK at it.
Last night, I think EVERYTHING CHANGED. I texted him earlier in the week (I love to send dirty text messages), saying "my pussy was hot - come take care of it" - well he drove past my house, saw a strange van parked in front - didnt stop because he thought I was fucking someone else. WHOA. HOLY SHIT. He called me last night to meet, and when I answered he just started rambling about the truck and whose was it...blah blah...not yelling, but definitely accusing. I could hardly get a word in edgewise. So I shut up. Before I hung up, he said "I love you"...WHOA AGAIN. "Mr. I dont want a girlfriend" - OK....bizarre.
So I get to the campground, and he starts about the van again - I explained it was the creepy son of my neighbor across the street. I dont think he believed me! I said 'if you could see the guy that owns it you'd know why you sound so ridiculous' -
Of course, we end up doin' it - and he says in the middle of it all 'I dont want you to be with anyone else...'....and 'you're my girl, right?'.........oh but it gets better....he says "you love me, dont you?" EEK..STOPPED ME IN MY TRACKS (or pelvic thrusts, lol). WHAT THE FUCK? I said "what did you just say?" He repeated it. I was speechless - that doesnt happen often. He said it again - as he gives me an amazingly passionate kiss. My reply was 'I'm not answering that question." - pretty good for being on the spot I think. But here's the kicker...I really didn't know what to say. I dont know him well enough to say that I love him...yeah, I'm smitten...and there's potential...but goodness gracious!
So this morning, I keep thinking about all of this..I'm confused...I mean, a month ago I would have killed for things to have taken this turn..now I'm just not so sure. Its like we've switched places. I guess I"ll just take it one day at a time...
Well, if you've followed this blog, you know I've been off and on with a hot plumber since Feb. It was a very rough start, in fact, I didnt care if he found his way to hell pretty early on. Well, I couldn't stay away, so in March, things heated up drastically. Yes, even now I know I should have walked away - BUT, yes, BUT - he filled a need at the time..a need just for good sex. He didnt want a girlfriend, I didnt want a boyfriend. Seems all fine and good. Hmm...well I admit, I became smitten with this boy, 10 years my junior. BUT (there's that word again), there are issues...he drinks wayyyyy too much, and he smokes - I always told myself that I wouldnt date a smoker, since my grandpa just died of lung cancer and I have a father that cant even walk to the bathroom without his oxygen.
This post might start to ramble a bit, so if it does, I'm sorry..I'm having diarrhea of the fingers. I never invite him to do anything with me, because I know that if he says "no," I'll be really upset. Is that weird? I've been trying to keep my "guard" up - not let him know that I care - just keeping it on the physical level, and that's it. Leave in the morning, with no indication of when we'll meet or speak again...This is hard for me, I"ve never had a "casual" relationship. But I think I"m doing OK at it.
Last night, I think EVERYTHING CHANGED. I texted him earlier in the week (I love to send dirty text messages), saying "my pussy was hot - come take care of it" - well he drove past my house, saw a strange van parked in front - didnt stop because he thought I was fucking someone else. WHOA. HOLY SHIT. He called me last night to meet, and when I answered he just started rambling about the truck and whose was it...blah blah...not yelling, but definitely accusing. I could hardly get a word in edgewise. So I shut up. Before I hung up, he said "I love you"...WHOA AGAIN. "Mr. I dont want a girlfriend" - OK....bizarre.
So I get to the campground, and he starts about the van again - I explained it was the creepy son of my neighbor across the street. I dont think he believed me! I said 'if you could see the guy that owns it you'd know why you sound so ridiculous' -
Of course, we end up doin' it - and he says in the middle of it all 'I dont want you to be with anyone else...'....and 'you're my girl, right?'.........oh but it gets better....he says "you love me, dont you?" EEK..STOPPED ME IN MY TRACKS (or pelvic thrusts, lol). WHAT THE FUCK? I said "what did you just say?" He repeated it. I was speechless - that doesnt happen often. He said it again - as he gives me an amazingly passionate kiss. My reply was 'I'm not answering that question." - pretty good for being on the spot I think. But here's the kicker...I really didn't know what to say. I dont know him well enough to say that I love him...yeah, I'm smitten...and there's potential...but goodness gracious!
So this morning, I keep thinking about all of this..I'm confused...I mean, a month ago I would have killed for things to have taken this turn..now I'm just not so sure. Its like we've switched places. I guess I"ll just take it one day at a time...
posted by "Red" at
Sunday, May 06, 2007
1 Comments:
Wow! It sounds like that was pretty much out of nowhere for him. Maybe he sensed that you had developed more than just physical feelings for him and felt like it was appropriate? Don't say anything you don't truly mean until you're ready-- that's where it can get REALLY sticky. Plus at this point, you're in control. You haven't given him an answer one way or the other. He's the vulnerable one right now. I think all boys should be the vulnerable ones once in awhile ;)
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