The seriously long, mostly depressing UPDATE
First, let me apologize. This is going to be a long entry. Surely you're prepared for it, because I havent seriously blogged in a long time. I shouldnt let things "fester" inside, but I did...and I do. So now I'm going to puke all over you via my blog. Fasten your seatbelts. This isn't pretty.
So what's up with my health? More drama. In the past month, I've had an upper GI, another doctors visit, and another ultrasound to once again check for gallstones. The ultrasound was clear, again. The only thing the doctor can come up with as a source of my pain, is gastritis. So I am taking Nexium. That shits expensive, even with insurance. Thankfully the doc gave me some free samples to get me through another month. With all of my tests and doctors visits and shit, I have no sick leave at work. Wonderful. Hope I dont catch the flu or something, if I do I can kiss my vacation time goodbye.
The family drama. Grandad was diagnosed earlier this week with Stage 4 lung cancer. It has spread, and was actually found in his spine during an MRI. So now the family has to prepare for the death of grandpa - and grandma just passed away in July. He's already on an increased dose of pain meds. He thinks he's gonna be OK, he doesnt understand. His mind is terrible. My mom and sister are having the hardest time of all I believe. I am mostly sad for them, and mom. Mom never breaks down - she's always the pillar of strength. I think this is her breaking point though - she cried :(
Dad was in the hospital for 4 days about 2 weeks ago. He couldnt breathe, and was taken by ambulance. Dad quit smoking before I was born, but it was still too late..His lungs are full of fibroids, and they are sucking up his lung capacity. He cant even walk from the living room to the bathroom without having oxygen. Its so sad - he has so much attitude and he's such a spitfire. Its not fair. He cant even leave the house anymore :(
Then there's the nightmare that is my dating life. I am so fucking stupid. I met someone about a year ago, and ran into him every now and then. Finally last weekend, we interfaced, and exchanged numbers. Talked to him this week, set up a date for Saturday. Ended up seeing him Friday night. I'm confused by a few things, but I dont want to post them-anywhere. Lets just say, I was willing, but I wasn't - but it happened and I dont know what to think. I think this guy isnt whom I originally thought he was. Then, here's the best part..HE FUCKING STOOD ME UP Sat. night. I had to call HIM, and it was late..I sat around all night (another mistake), and he blew me off when I did speak to him. How I ever get myself into shit like this amazes me. I used to think I was a pretty good judge of character. I've decided I"m clueless, and stupid, at least when it comes to the opposite sex. The only good thing is that even though I was growing to really like him, I'm not completely past the point of return and I'd rather be hurt early - and now - get out before I'm really hooked. I shouldnt let it bother me so much, but it is! I'm so emotionally fragile. I dont trust easily - and the at the 1st hint of any sort of betrayal of that trust, I can't get it back. I feel used, expendable. I just want some nice, hot young man to think I'm the center of his universe. Put me on a pedestal. Treat me like a queen, yet be my PARTNER in everything. I can't believe how hard that is to find. I believe it to be impossible. Guess my original decision to NOT date was a good one, even though it was 2 years ago when I made that call. Put myself out there, shot down, time to go back to the original plan.
I had a nice birthday. Great partying (except for the horrific hangover the next day). On my actual bday, sister took me to Cheesecake Factory. Man that was some good eatin'. MMMM. Crab Wontons, Hibachi Steak..lemon/raspberry cheesecake. TASTY!
So there it is, told you it wasnt so great, didn't I. Ugh.
So what's up with my health? More drama. In the past month, I've had an upper GI, another doctors visit, and another ultrasound to once again check for gallstones. The ultrasound was clear, again. The only thing the doctor can come up with as a source of my pain, is gastritis. So I am taking Nexium. That shits expensive, even with insurance. Thankfully the doc gave me some free samples to get me through another month. With all of my tests and doctors visits and shit, I have no sick leave at work. Wonderful. Hope I dont catch the flu or something, if I do I can kiss my vacation time goodbye.
The family drama. Grandad was diagnosed earlier this week with Stage 4 lung cancer. It has spread, and was actually found in his spine during an MRI. So now the family has to prepare for the death of grandpa - and grandma just passed away in July. He's already on an increased dose of pain meds. He thinks he's gonna be OK, he doesnt understand. His mind is terrible. My mom and sister are having the hardest time of all I believe. I am mostly sad for them, and mom. Mom never breaks down - she's always the pillar of strength. I think this is her breaking point though - she cried :(
Dad was in the hospital for 4 days about 2 weeks ago. He couldnt breathe, and was taken by ambulance. Dad quit smoking before I was born, but it was still too late..His lungs are full of fibroids, and they are sucking up his lung capacity. He cant even walk from the living room to the bathroom without having oxygen. Its so sad - he has so much attitude and he's such a spitfire. Its not fair. He cant even leave the house anymore :(
Then there's the nightmare that is my dating life. I am so fucking stupid. I met someone about a year ago, and ran into him every now and then. Finally last weekend, we interfaced, and exchanged numbers. Talked to him this week, set up a date for Saturday. Ended up seeing him Friday night. I'm confused by a few things, but I dont want to post them-anywhere. Lets just say, I was willing, but I wasn't - but it happened and I dont know what to think. I think this guy isnt whom I originally thought he was. Then, here's the best part..HE FUCKING STOOD ME UP Sat. night. I had to call HIM, and it was late..I sat around all night (another mistake), and he blew me off when I did speak to him. How I ever get myself into shit like this amazes me. I used to think I was a pretty good judge of character. I've decided I"m clueless, and stupid, at least when it comes to the opposite sex. The only good thing is that even though I was growing to really like him, I'm not completely past the point of return and I'd rather be hurt early - and now - get out before I'm really hooked. I shouldnt let it bother me so much, but it is! I'm so emotionally fragile. I dont trust easily - and the at the 1st hint of any sort of betrayal of that trust, I can't get it back. I feel used, expendable. I just want some nice, hot young man to think I'm the center of his universe. Put me on a pedestal. Treat me like a queen, yet be my PARTNER in everything. I can't believe how hard that is to find. I believe it to be impossible. Guess my original decision to NOT date was a good one, even though it was 2 years ago when I made that call. Put myself out there, shot down, time to go back to the original plan.
I had a nice birthday. Great partying (except for the horrific hangover the next day). On my actual bday, sister took me to Cheesecake Factory. Man that was some good eatin'. MMMM. Crab Wontons, Hibachi Steak..lemon/raspberry cheesecake. TASTY!
So there it is, told you it wasnt so great, didn't I. Ugh.
posted by "Red" at
Sunday, February 04, 2007
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