Hell Yeah! Hair Band Heaven..tonight!

Oh yes. I'm super excited. I'm getting ready to head out for the POISON/CINDERELLA concert!

It doesnt get any better than washed up 80's bands!

Sis and I had a great weekend together - we went thrifting yesterday and made out like bandits, and today we get to spend the evening together at the concert, along with the Websters (they're a totally awesome couple of friends). Its gonna be flippin' great!

I'm so glad my sis moved back. Spending time with her means to much to me. Sniff sniff.

Well, I'm off to get all tramped out for tonight! YEY!!!!!!!!!

A slow return to "normal"...but I'll take it

Hello everyone. Let me first thank everyone who emailed me, either with support over the loss of my grandma, or with regard to my cousin, or both! You really dont know what those messages did to keep me afloat.

My cousin had reconstructive surgery on her eye Wednesday, and she's doing fine. She's a fast healer, so hopefully she'll be back to work very soon. I don't know what's going on with the fucker that assaulted her, other than he is still in jail, and there was a grand jury hearing. I really can't wait to be in the courtroom with him. I may get thrown out!

(2) Very wonderful men, (we'll call them "T" and "K") donated a lot of money for my cousin, to help with her doctor bills and prescriptions. When I gave that to her, it was one of the happiest moments of my life. I wish that "T" and "K" could have been there to see it. She was overcome to know that people that didnt even know her wanted to help her get past this horrible thing. The timing was perfect, because I gave it to her Tuesday (after grandmas funeral) - and her surgery was Wed. She had been worried about how she was going to pay for the meds afterwards. This really took a load off her mind, so she could concentrate on healing. There is a special place in heaven for you, "T" and "K" - please know that your generosity made a huge impact on someone' s life. Can I clone you?

Update on Baby Gus: I suspect some of you are wondering how my fuzzy fuzzy kitten love, Gus is doing! I'm proud to say, he has been perfectly healthy for some time now - no symptoms whatsoever, and he's being a pain in the butt so I know he's feeling good. The last round of medicine did the trick - I'm sure he's very thankful because it must have tasted like ass. He still disappears when I'm in the kitchen because he thinks I'm getting ready to squirt it in his mouth - Ha! Poor guy! Here's an awesome picture I took recently of him chilling out in the spare room - he's such a ham!

Its over, I'm exhausted

Well, the ordeal is finally over. Today, we buried a grandma, a sister, a wife, a mother. I had forgotten how draining funerals are, and how long (Catholic ones, at least). We started at the funeral home at 930, then the funeral was at 1030, then to the cemetery, and to grandma/grandads house for gathering. I think the crying is what wears you out so much - it was 2:30 and I felt like it was 6 - I could hardly keep my eyes open.

Sis and I put white roses on grandmas casket at the cemetery. It couldnt have been a more lovely day, if there is such a thing when someone is laid to rest. Lots of tears, and even a few laughs, as Father F reminded us of grandma's favorite phrase in months past, "good gawd almighty!" In fact, those were the last words out of her mouth - the Hospice nurse asked her if she was in any pain....her mouth puckered up and spewed out "good gawd almighty no!" :) Through grandmas deterioration, she never once complained - ever, never said she was in any pain. She just let everyone take care of her.

I got to see lots of family that I hadnt seen in years - that was really nice. Grandma's sisters, sharing tales of growing up with grandma - grandm stealing her sisters $25 dress to wear roller skating (the equivalent of that today would be like $500!) - of course, they were more than entertaining! Just wish it didnt take a death in the family to get everyone together, but alas, that's the way of the world these days when everyone is so "busy".

I think grandad will be OK - over the past few days, I think he's seen how much he's truly loved, and how we're there to be with him and make sure that the rest of his life is full and fullfilling, even though grandma has moved on.

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Also spent time with the cousin, the one beaten with a hammer a bit over a week ago - she's doing remarkably well. I cant believe how her eye has healed, even though its mostly closed still. Tomorrow she has reconstructive surgery - they're rebuilding her eye socket and the bones around her eye with plastic. It sounds relatively simple, a 1 hour procedure. She just wants to get it done so she can get back to work and a normal life -although, I'm sure when fuckstick is on trial things will be tough. She testified for the grand jury Friday morning, I dont know anything else as of yet except that he is still behind bars. What a relief - If he was "out" he'd probably try to finish her off :(

I also gave her the check for the money I raised from the auction to help her. Man did she ever cry. She said 'you dont know what this means' - she'd already received her last paycheck for some time, and she was worrying how she'd pay for the prescriptions after surgery tomorrow. It was so emotional. My sister and I simply told her, "that's what family is for" - it was truly touching, and she was overwhelmed that people she's never met cared enough about her well being to give their money. I joked and said "you better appreciate this, I pimped my ass out for you" - We shared quite the giggle over that one :) It was definitely one of the highlights of recent days for me - being able to help someone that truly needed it. You cant beat the "warm fuzzies" :)

Signing off for now, ......

A break

Tonight I got a much needed break.

Mom, sis, her hubby and I had a nice dinner at REd Lobster. I had the "mucho margarita" - that SOB is 24 oz of frozen goodness. I couldnt even drink it all.

Then, after mom went home, we went dancing at the ORange CArpet. I have a buzz. I needed to get one. I was having a great time - dancing. Tim, the construction worker, hit on me..then he disappeared. I thought I was gonna get to make otu with him. But, like I said, he never came back, and hubby was bored, so we left. At least I got to shake my shit to "TNT" by AC/DC. I love AC/DC. Fuckin' rock n roll baby. Sweet.

Now I'm sad, I will go to bed with a buzz, and wake up tomororw to face reality again. Grandmas showing is Monday, funeral is Tuesday. These are going tyo be the hardest next few days of my life. Someone give me strength. I need it for my molm, for grandad. for myself.

Well, that's all forn ow. I dont want to cry myself to sleep again :( Did that last night, and spent most of the day in bed with a migraine :(

Today, Grandma died

Mom just left. Grandma died earlier today. She died with her children at her side, her husband of over 60 years, and her caregiver.

I need a hug :(

Everyone shall know about the pussy girl-beater!

I scanned this from the paper today.

Yes, I want everyone to know what a pussy this guy is for beating up women and nearly killing my cousin.

What better way to reach mass amounts of people than the world wide web?

Jackass.

If you can't see this very well, then its uploaded on my server, visible at:

http://www.coderedhead.net/Ebanned/arrest.jpg

What the fuck!!

So here I am, trying to help out my cousin by listing an auction, and my fucking webhost is down? I can't remember the last damned time that happened!!!! Am I fucking cursed or what? Yes, I am just downright PISSED OFF. All I wanna do is something good and DREAMHOST fucking crashes. No website, no photos (yeah, I host my pics there). Seriously you stupid fucks! Don't you have a backup plan when your server crashes? Gawd!

I suppose, on a better note, that it's better news that the PUSSY that beat up my cousin is in jail, charged with felonious assault. I hope that bail was set so that he can't get out and finish her off :( I tried to google the charge and see what the laws are in Ohio with regard to prison time, but would you believe I couldnt find what I was looking for? Hell I'm the queen of internet searches and NOTHING! It shouldnt be that hard to look up the law. The only thing I did learn is that it's a class 2 felony. Of course, that doesnt mean shit to me since I couldn't find any other information.

To be even more of a downer, grandad isnt doing so well. HE FUCKING FORGOT TO GO TO BED LAST NIGHT! He is losing his mind. It is so sad.

Oh, and I'll just finish us all off by today's news..my sisters husbands dad probably has BRAIN CANCER. There's a real upbeat way to start the week. He had eye cancer earlier this year, and had growths removed. There was a risk of it spreading to his brain. It looks like it has. Yes, there are tests to be run, but it doesnt seem too positive.

With all this damned shit going on, I think I am about to lose it. I dont want to answer the phone, or leave the house. I can't take any more disaster and doom. What did our family do to deserve so much sadness? We're good people. We have big hearts and lots of love. Why doesnt shit like this happen to the horrible people in society? Why us?

I tell you one thing, a good serious night of binge drinking is in order...soon, very soon :(

More family drama - that fucker better get life in prison!

My family is the poster child for the phrase, "when it rains, it pours." Yes, this entry is another "downer."

Friday night, my dear 1st cousin was nearly murdered. Her ex broke into her apartment while she was sleeping, and hit her in the head with a hammer. Had he hit in a slightly different place, he would have killed her instantly. She almost lost her eye, but even though she didnt, her vision is damaged - we dont know to what extent, since this just happened 2 days ago. He broke several bones in her face. THE HOSPITAL SENT HER HOME YESTERDAY, despite her injuries which include possible bleeding in her head, BECAUSE SHE HAS NO INSURANCE. She's at home with her mom (my aunt) - Aunt L had to go fill 5 prescriptions, and she doesnt have the money either (she's disabled and her husband is worthlessly unemployed and a LOSER). This just keeps getting worse, doesnt it? The doctors that cared for her said "whoever did this to you deserves to be locked up for the rest of their life." I agree. I am so steaming mad. That fucker has messed with our family for years now. He's beaten my cousin numerous times, and assaulted my aunt (her mom) as well - he's threatened to kill both of them so many times that I don't even know how many. I assume the fuckers in jail right now, but I dont know! I am beside myself, trying to figure out what I can do. Rest assured, I will not stop until that bastard is in PRISON, being bent over and screaming like a pig - every damned day. I dont want him to see natural sunlight without being surrounded by mile high fences and barbed wire. I think attempted murder and breaking and entering might earn him that, right?

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Went to see grandma last night - man, I dont think shes going anywhere anytime soon. She's still got her spunk. I tried to give her medicine, and she kept pushing my hand away - rather strongly, and saying "I dont want that!" - and she answered my questions and grandads. I also have to admit, that I've been wrong about myself all along - saying I dont love her. I've realized this week and really, last night - that I've been fooling myself. I do love her and I'm just a big softie. So I am going to use this time I've been given to visit her and help out when I can because I want to, not because I"m asked or expected to. I'm just I realized this before she died, and not after, when there would have been nothing I could do but be guilt-ridden forever :(

Hot as fuck!

My gawd, its hotter than hades outside. I'm pretty sure its the hottest day of the year so far, and the hottest I remember in recent years! I'm trying to do yardwork and I have to keep coming inside so I dont pass out and die with a shovel in my hand! I am dripping with sweat, and I'm not someone that sweats a whole lot! Thank heavens for A/C, fruit punch gatorade, and water.

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On a somber note, grandma isnt expected to live through the weekend. Sis is coming down so we can visit again today. We went Thursday night, and it was awful. I cant believe how she looked. I thought she looked "dead" already. I almost didnt recognize her. Sis and I cried most of the time. Earlier in the day, Uncle G took grandad to get a suit for the upcoming funeral. Everything is in place, arrangements - flowers, attire..only one thing remains, what will we do with grandad after its over. We dont want him to die of a broken heart. Sis is mostly sad because when grandma dies, the "face" of the family will change forever. It is scary. Holidays were always at their house. Ever since I can remember. My mom is the oldest child, so her and my dad will take over as the seniors of the family. Aunt L will probably end up institutionalized over all of this - she's already a functional alcoholic and pain med junkie with no coping skills :( This is just going to be terrible. I'll probably have a migraine for a week solid. I dont know what else to say. Just one day at a time I guess.

Grandma

Well, it's official. Grandma could die any day. In the course of a week, we were told 6 months, which turned into 3, which turned into "any day now", per the doctors and hospice nurse. So this weekend was spent picking out something to bury her in, funeral music, readings, where to eat afterwards (why do people do that anyway, eat after funerals? Its bizarre!). It's so weird to me - to do that for someone that's still alive. Funeral homes are awful - I'm so grossed out by going to look at someone dead - that doesnt look anything like they did when they were alive. I d0nt have much experience with death - I remember, barely, going to my uncles funeral when I was in 8th grade. That's pretty much it. There have been several family meetings at the grandparents house - I wonder, does grandma know what they're talking about? She still has lucid moments - not often, but they do happen. I cant imagine what it would be like to hear your family talk about what will happen when you die :(

I'm worried about mom, and how she'll cope. We were supposed to go canoeing Saturday, but had to cancel because she had a migraine from thinking about everything. Sis and I appeared in the afternoon, and whisked her away to the pool so we could all relax - I think it helped and she appreciated it.

Grandad is in denial. He said "oh she'll be around for another year at least."

She's stopped eating, she has no muscle mass, hardly goes to the bathroom. She's a shell of a person. At least I dont think she's suffering, and that has to be somewhat comforting for the rest of the family.

Nevertheless, even though its near her time, its going to be hard on my mom and her siblings. No one ever wants their mom to die, no matter how terrible of a person she was. Yes, I've said it before, I dont have any feelings for her. I'll hurt because my mom is hurting :(

Weekend fun, R&R!

Hey all. I've been slacking again in the blogger department. So sorry! Sometimes I have so much to write about that I freak out and write nothing. I never said I was normal :)

Couple of nights ago, my sister, her best friend from NE, her hubby and his friends from San Francisco, and myself of course, are went down to my parents house for an afternoon of golf, swimming, tennis, lounging. That evening was the big resort party, the Jam at the Dam. Live band, potluck (best food I eat all year here, including pulled BBQ pork), free jello shots from the lady that wants you to vote for her to be on the board, LOL. It was such a good time. My favorite part is the Merry Go Round story...

Kai (the friend from San Fran), is an amazingly athletic boy. He wanted to play on the merry go round! So, over he goes - well, the kids wouldnt give it up - so he decided to have some fun with them. He made sure they were safely aboard, and then off he went - I swear that thing was going 40 mph!!!! It was hilarious! One little brat proceeded to rub dirt and gravel on Kai's white shirt. Bad move. Kai went so fast that when the kid got off, HE PUKED. Then he wandered off and laid in the gravel for 5 minutes. It was so awesome. It was my favorite part of the night.

I also ran into a friend from high school - havent seen him since then!!! He was there with his parents, wife and 3 kids!!! He about fell over when I told him I had never been married and had no kids. Yeah, I'm the lucky one, LOL. He looked good - he didnt turn into a 300 lb gut busting pile of lard like most of my class. It was nice to talk to him - and his wife and kids were gorgeous little blondes.

Yesterday I didnt do much of anything - It was so nice! Today I'm off, but I have to be more productive. I'll probably fertlize the yard - it just rained, so my plan to find a pool is probably out - oh well, tomorrow is still free!!! YEY!!!

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On a super positive note, my friend Jeff is home from the hospital and doing well. I'm so happy. I missed him so much while he was gone. He didnt get to visit me this weekend because of his hospital stay - I'm starting to get the feeling that we're not supposed to ever meet - that makes me sad, because we connect. Or maybe its a test to see what we will go through in order to interface. I think too much.

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Another postive - my baby GUS has been doing great!!! He's been off meds for about a month now, and symptom free. I cant tell you how relieved I am. He's happy, playful and a pain in the ass, just like he used to be. YIPPEE!

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Now for the downer, it would appear that my grandma is now living her final days. The doctor has given her 3 months to live. The family signed the paperes for Hospice. Mom seems to be handling it really well. I am a bad person, because I will not miss grandma and will consider this a relief to the family. Grandma was a cold hearted, mean person her entire life - and she was mean to my mom, many times, in front of me. My role will be to "be there" for my mom as this unfolds. She'll need my support and I'll be there for her - she's done so much for me my entire life, selflessly, and it will be my turn to step up to the plate. We also have to take care of grandad - who isnt well either. We're all afraid that he will die soon after grandma does. After all, they've been together for 60+ years. They dont know life without each other. We're already addressing how to handle this after grandma passes - including having grandad live with either mom or Uncle Gary - he has to be able to keep woodworking, as that is his sanity. If we can convince him that its Ok to live without grandma and enjoy the rest of his life, he'll be OK. It is a monumental task however. We'll see how things go....