Grandma

Well, it's official. Grandma could die any day. In the course of a week, we were told 6 months, which turned into 3, which turned into "any day now", per the doctors and hospice nurse. So this weekend was spent picking out something to bury her in, funeral music, readings, where to eat afterwards (why do people do that anyway, eat after funerals? Its bizarre!). It's so weird to me - to do that for someone that's still alive. Funeral homes are awful - I'm so grossed out by going to look at someone dead - that doesnt look anything like they did when they were alive. I d0nt have much experience with death - I remember, barely, going to my uncles funeral when I was in 8th grade. That's pretty much it. There have been several family meetings at the grandparents house - I wonder, does grandma know what they're talking about? She still has lucid moments - not often, but they do happen. I cant imagine what it would be like to hear your family talk about what will happen when you die :(

I'm worried about mom, and how she'll cope. We were supposed to go canoeing Saturday, but had to cancel because she had a migraine from thinking about everything. Sis and I appeared in the afternoon, and whisked her away to the pool so we could all relax - I think it helped and she appreciated it.

Grandad is in denial. He said "oh she'll be around for another year at least."

She's stopped eating, she has no muscle mass, hardly goes to the bathroom. She's a shell of a person. At least I dont think she's suffering, and that has to be somewhat comforting for the rest of the family.

Nevertheless, even though its near her time, its going to be hard on my mom and her siblings. No one ever wants their mom to die, no matter how terrible of a person she was. Yes, I've said it before, I dont have any feelings for her. I'll hurt because my mom is hurting :(